January 13th: When I worried that I couldn't have kids.

Jan. 13th, 1986 (Age 7, Evansburg, New Hampshire)

Dear diary, I am glad that today isn’t Friday. Then it would be unlucky Friday the 13th. Good thing though that it is only Monday.

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Monday, January 13th, 1992 (Age 13, Evansburg)

Mandy was absent from school today, but Sonia and Evangeline are back. I can’t think of anything else to write about. I haven’t worn my new jeans yet, but I think I’ll wear them tomorrow with my dark green shirt. Kerry Wiggins, a friend of mine, is going to be getting braces, even though she doesn’t need them at all.

     I can’t wait until Valentine’s Day when I can change my earrings. I’m already getting sick of my blue studs.

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Wednesday, January 13th, 1993 (Age 14, Evansburg)

I felt fine today. There was no school because of a teacher workshop. In March a bunch of students are coming from Japan to spend the week in Evansburg. We’re going to have an 8th grade boy stay with us! It’s going to be so much fun!

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Thursday, January 13th, 1994 (Age 15, Nagasaki, Japan)

I played the piano for an hour and a half straight tonight. I was thinking what it would be like if after my half-brother Joe’s wedding in July I went back to Evansburg instead of returning to Japan with my family, and lived with Evangeline's family until I graduate? It is a possibility, but Evangeline's parents would have to be willing to put me up. She’s the only one of my friends whose family I could stand to live with for two years. Right now I’ve got my mind made up to move back to New Hampshire, but I change my mind every day.

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Friday, January 13th, 1995 (Age 16, Kobe, Japan)

It’s Friday the 13th! Aaaaarrggghhhh! I didn’t realize that until I wrote the date on my quiz in Japan Studies.

     It certainly wasn’t an unlucky day for me, though. I went to Sei's house. We were in his room and it was so wonderful. Of course we didn’t have sex -- he wanted to, but I have no desire to get pregnant right now. We were really making out though, and it was the most we had ever done. It really does make it more enjoyable when you’re with someone you love. But for some reason I still don’t get the thrill out of making out that the guy always seems to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s because I’m young? Anyway, Sei was definitely getting something out of it, and it makes me happy just to make him happy.

     His mom made lasagna for us for dinner. It was so good! She’s really nice. She was showing me photos of a trip she took to Niagara Falls and the Rocky Mountains. Then she got out pictures of Sei when he was younger. He was so cute! She even gave me one of him in a jimbei when he was about five. Sei was mortified. Then, when we were leaving, she gave me a gold and diamond anklet which Sei told me later he thinks are real diamonds. I have to get her at least some flowers next time.

     After his house we went to the reggae bar. A lot of people from my school were there, mostly sophomores. Amy Anderson and her buddies were there, as usual. So was Emily, and she’s really cool. She was drunk, though. Two sophomores from my dorm were there and they were very drunk -- I wonder if they got in trouble when they went back?

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Saturday, January 13th, 1996 (Age 17, Kobe)

Sei and I went to see Golden Eye, the new James Bond movie. I bet they’ll still be pumping out Bond movies twenty years from now.  I thought it was a bit silly. Too much action, no point.

     After that we went shopping. Sei bought a new leather jacket. I tried one on, but it was hard as a rock. I didn’t want to pay that much for a straight jacket, so I just bought a CD instead.

     We went to Bar Pacer as usual, and this time there were a lot of older foreigners there. We left at 10:40 p.m. and I was in the mood for love. Ahhh, hormones! I said I would die if I couldn’t, and there was no need to convince. We did it in the handicapped (ahem!) toilet at Sumiyoshi station. It was quite kinky, and the only bad thing is that my back is all bruised. I loved it though.

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Monday, January 13th, 1997 (Age 18, Exton, New Brunswick)

No one mentioned my mother to me in school today. I’m glad. I went to my aunt’s house this evening and saw my dad and brother, and mom's older sister Aunt Dorothy and my uncle. My brother forgot his suitcase with all his dress clothes at home, so we had to go shopping for all new stuff. He ended up getting two pairs of pants, two ties, a sports jacket, a shirt, and a leather coat, spending about $800. I wish my dad would be a bit more conscientious about money.

     My mother hasn’t talked to me. I can’t even feel her around. Why?

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Tuesday, January 13th, 1998 (Age 19, Exton)

Tonight Yuko and I went to see Amistad. It was very good, but for me there was still something missing. I thought Yuko had fallen asleep, but she hadn’t. She said she liked it better than Titanic.

     It’s pouring rain. It’s so warm here. We haven’t had any of those big ice storms they’ve been getting in Montreal and other parts of New Brunswick.

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Wednesday, January 13th, 1999 (Age 20, Exton)

My brother said the grocery store down the road called me while I was out. When I did my interview, the woman said the manager would call me back within seven days if I got the job. I’m so excited. I’ve been looking for a job forever. But what if they choose someone else just because I wasn’t here when they called?

     Sei lost his bank card for the second or third time when he was out today. Luckily somebody found it and the bank is holding it for him.

     I don’t think Sei seems very interested in spending time with me. He’d rather stay in the living room and watch my brother play video games. It’s just like before.

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Thursday, January 13th, 2000 (Age 21, Exton)

I ordered our wedding rings. They’re the ones I found with the leaf design. I wanted mine to be rose gold on the sides and white in the middle, but they can only do it in all yellow gold or all white. I chose all white gold, the same as Sei's. They’re 14 karat and will cost about $1,200, but they won’t be ready for three weeks. I also ordered our invitations.

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Saturday, January 13th, 2001 (Age 22, Kobe)

I went to Uniqlo and bought a black corduroy skirt for work, brown corduroy pants, and a beige fleece pullover for home. I’m not supposed to be buying anything this month but I can’t resist a sale. I also realized I won’t be able to avoid spending money tomorrow when I go to Sannomiya to get my violin string fixed.

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Sunday, January 13th, 2002 (Age 23, Kobe)

Sei and I had unprotected sex. That’s only the second time, not counting when I was on the Pill. If I got pregnant now I’d have the baby in the fall, and he’d still be in school so that would be bad. Otherwise I wouldn’t mind.... We decided on the name Haruka for a girl -- it was funny because we both thought of it separately on the same day. Rhiannon Haruka or Haruka Rhiannon. But I’m worried that I might not be able to have kids after what that doctor told me about my periods being only nineteen days apart. He said that might mean I don’t ovulate. But he wasn’t a gynecologist and it was just a basic check-up.

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Monday, January 13th, 2003 (Age 24, Kobe)

I didn’t have to work today, but I didn’t do anything again except go to the bookstore and spend too much (2,500 yen) on a new book. It’s about a foreign woman living in Kagoshima. It’s not bad but it doesn’t read smoothly.

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004 (Age 25, Kobe)

I got a letter back from the people I used to babysit for in Evansburg! I babysat for their kids when I was in junior high, and they were just five and two years old. I found their address online and sent a Christmas card. The mom sent pictures of the kids now. It’s unbelievable. They’re all grown up. All these years I’ve imagined them as they were, and now the daughter looks like she could be the same age as me. The boy is really handsome, though with a bit of acne. Wow.

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Thursday, January 13th, 2005 (Age 26, Kobe)

I got a nice letter (a real, handwritten letter!) from my second cousin in New Brunswick.

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Friday, January 13th, 2006 (Age 27, Kobe)

I’ve been so depressed this week, so I made myself go out for some relaxation. I finally bought a calendar, yarn for Mandy's baby's sweater, and had a café mocha at Starbucks.

     I found a pattern on the internet for a baby cardigan that’s knit all in one piece. I took some leftover yarn and made a test cardigan for my Cabbage Patch Kid, and it was so easy and quick. It only took me about four hours. I want to make a whole bunch to have for when someone else has a baby. Mandy requested one in “watermelon colors.” It’s going to be so cute.

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Saturday, January 13th, 2007 (Age 28, Kobe)

Kai and I went to a craft beer place and had beer from about six different countries, and we ended up sleeping together again at his place. I’m probably back to square one again. I could tell myself that he knows the situation and is a grown man who can make his own decisions, but I’m not sure he fully realizes how hurt he’s going to be when Yuji next shows up here. Therefore it’s my responsibility to nip this thing in the bud, but I just can’t seem to because I do like Kai, albeit it not as I like Yuji, and he lives so close by (writing this Sunday morning, by the way).

Disclaimer: This blog is a work of non-fiction. Most personal names (except for those of celebrities) and place names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.