January 4th: I get married.

January 4th, 1986 (Age 7, Evansburg, New Hampshire)

Dear diary, we just got home. What a relief! I just can’t believe we’re home from Granny’s house. It’s been a long vacation. For a present Aunt Dorothy gave me another one year diary.

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1/4/88 (Age 9, Evansburg)

Dear Diary, it’s a new year.  Nobody cares about me.  Only Mickey Thomas thinks I’m special.  I can’t think about Davy Jones.  He brakes my heart.

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Friday, January 4th, 1991 (Age 12, Evansburg)

I’ve got to finish this diary or I’ll burst! I just want to get something written in my new diary, and I don’t want to start writing in it until I finish with you.

     It doesn’t seem like I’ve been in school for half a year, but I have.
     We haven’t rented any movies from a store yet, but I want to because I’m getting tired of watching our movies over and over. I wonder how much it costs to rent a movie for two days. Bye!!!

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Saturday, January 4th, 1992 (Age 13, Evansburg)

We went to Ames today and I bought two movie posters, Hook and Home Alone. I came home and made two small posters with magazine pictures. One is called The Daily Planet, and the other is about Russia. I also bought the book of The Fisher King. It was a movie starring Robin Williams.

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Monday, January 4th, 1993 (Age 14, Evansburg)

I feel sick again, but what else is new. It’s too hot in my room and I can’t open the window. I’ll suffocate here on my bed.

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Tuesday, January 4th, 1994 (Age 15, Nagasaki, Japan)

I prayed to God to let there be a nice, safe car for us to rent today, and there was. If God will let us have a safe car, won’t he make my friend Peter well again

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Wednesday, January 4th, 1995 (Age 16, Nagasaki)

My old penpal Hiroshi called to tell me he’s going to be in Osaka with his mother the last weekend in January, and wanted to know if I could meet them. He’s coming because his old friend from the States is coming for a judo competition or something. I don’t mind seeing him as long as all those other people are around. If the opportunity comes up I’ll tell him I have a boyfriend, so then maybe he’ll leave me alone. I don’t want to embarrass him in front of his friend or his mom, who both know how much he likes me.
     I really feel like talking to Sei at times like this, just to hear his voice. I wouldn’t tell him about Hiroshi because it would only make him uneasy, when there’s absolutely no reason for him to be jealous.

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Thursday, January 4th, 1996 (Age 17, Nagasaki)

We’re staying at the Holiday Inn downtown now. We’re in the penthouse suite, and it’s pretty fancy for a Japanese hotel room. I’m not sure if I’ll bother going back to the house again while the movers are there. I don’t really care to, but I’ll miss our stray cats. Sniff, sniff!

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Saturday, January 4th, 1997 (Age 18, Exton, New Brunswick)

Last night I had a dream that Sei was supposed to be coming on the plane. He never came, and then I got a phone call saying I should go pick him up at Osaka airport. But my father wouldn’t let me go, and he started bad-mouthing Sei. I never got to pick him up, and I don’t know if I ever saw him again. I hope he makes it home okay tomorrow.

     He was supposed to arrive at 7:00 p.m. and check into the hotel, but it’s 9:15 and he still hasn’t called me. I’m worried that he didn’t make it, since he did miss his plane last time and I did have that dream. I’m so worried about him.

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Sunday, January 4th, 1998 (Age 19, Exton)

We went to see the new James Bond movie, but Sei slept through it.

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Monday, January 4th, 1999 (Age 20, Exton)

I was worried about my Youth in Canada from the ‘50s to the ‘80s class being too hard since I have no knowledge of Canadian history, but it looks like all it’s going to be is listening to music and discussing TV and movies.

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2000 (Age 21, Kobe, Japan)

We didn’t plan it, but today Sei and I legally became husband and wife. We were going to go to city hall on Thursday but his mother thought it would be better if we went today. The wedding is still not until March so I won’t consider us married yet, but his parents seem to. We went shopping in Kobe and Sei wanted to go to his favorite bar after. He called his mom to say we’d eat dinner out after, but she called him at the bar all mad. We came home and I was in tears because I didn’t know he didn’t tell her. I can’t take the responsibility to get us home on time if he doesn’t tell me anything. Anyway, all was okay in the end and he, his mom and I talked until 2:00 a.m.

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Thursday, January 4th, 2001 (Age 22, Kobe)

I really hate my job. I had my lessons all planned out for the second half of the day, but two minutes before 6:00 my boss faxed me a new lesson that he wanted me to do. It was okay, but I didn’t have any time to make copies of the story for the students, so I didn’t do it and went ahead with my own lesson, which was similar in any case. For some stupid reason when the secretary asked how it went I lied and said I didn’t do it because one of the students had done it before. That was a bad idea because I’m not as good a liar as I used to be and I think she knew it wasn’t true. If my boss asks I want to say that I didn’t have time to prepare, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough. I should say it though because it wasn’t fair and I shouldn’t take any bullshit, even if he is my boss. Anyway, I’ll use that lesson tomorrow. I hate teaching higher levels. Some of them are nice and keep the lesson rolling, but most of them just roll their eyes and look bored, so that I’m talking to myself. I don’t know why they come – they don’t want to learn anything. They should stay home and save their money, and save me the trouble.

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Friday, January 4th, 2002 (Age 23, Kobe)

I want Allen to come back, or I want to go back to the U.S. I want to get away from this place and Sei. I love him but he treats me worse every day. After we came back from the airport he dropped me off and disappeared until midnight. He turned his cell phone off so I couldn’t call, and now he’s talking on the phone with a nurse from work and telling her he wants her to wear T-back underwear to work under her uniform, just for him. He said that with me sitting right next to him.

     I’d go back to Evansburg and take out a loan to open my own little used and rare book shop. I could operate it out of the bottom floor of my house and live upstairs. I don’t mind living alone, but it’s stupid being alone when I’m supposed to be married. I’m only twenty-three.

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Saturday, January 4th, 2003 (Age 24, Kobe)

Sei loves his late night TV, and all they ever talk about is T-backs and G-cups. That’s why he’s so obsessed with them that they, or rather the lack of them, are all he notices when he looks at me.

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004 (Age 25, Kobe)

I stayed home and watched movies and knit. I totally forgot it was our four-year anniversary of getting legally married. I'd better go mention it to Sei now before I sleep.

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 (Age 26, Kobe)

I forgot that today is our official fifth wedding anniversary. I’m quite certain I forget every year until the day is upon me.

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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 (Age 27, Kobe)

My back hurts only slightly less than yesterday. I think Sei has disappeared because he said he was going to the convenience store and we all know from experience that when he goes there, he never comes back. Did I mention that Monday night he spent the whole night somewhere and came home at 11:00 a.m. the next day?

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Thursday, January 4th, 2007 (Age 28, London, UK)

I'm on the plane. I actually managed a few hours of real sleep because I was so tired, plus I had a red wine right when I boarded.
     Last night was another late night of talking. Yuji held me on his lap and asked me, without naming names, if somebody asked me to get married again, would I? I said I would if I really loved them, but I would be happy enough just spending my life with someone without getting married on paper.
     This morning we had a traditional English breakfast in the hotel dining room before heading to the airport. We've gotten so comfortably domestic after just eight days, but we also have to be touching constantly. It's so comfortable and "right" -- that's the best word to describe it. I am going to miss him, I can't help it, especially how he looks when he smiles.

Disclaimer: This blog is a work of non-fiction. Most personal names (except for those of celebrities) and place names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.